Saturday, December 25, 2010

The Neighbour

I said in my last post i was gonna write about my neighbour! Thought i would wait till tomorrow before i write it but i just couldnt wait. The woman is like a ghost, but this time its her voice that follows me everywhere because it is a VERY loud one( i even get a headache thinking about her voice!). Ok! To understand this gist very well. i'll briefly describe the anatomy of my house (sorry i cant stop my medical alter ego from coming in once in a while). My house (sorry!my daddy's house) is a 2-in-1 building, the larger being our house and we call it the main building (it deserves the same since we are the owner) and the boysquarter (i will prefer not to call it that though cus not only do no males reside in it, it is not as small as the boys quarter they show in Nigerian movies)! Before i continue< may i add the fact that our neighbour calls her apartment 'main building' too? Yeah, she is that dramatic! Let me quickly add that my room is the closest to their apartment, that is, my room is at the rear end of our house. Anyways, back to my gist...
My neighbour is a married woman with two children- a girl, Rita (that of course is a wrong name, they are Yorubas) and the second child is Kola (i don't even think he'll come up in my gist at all because he is a toddler). She is married (like i didnt mention that earlier...whatever). I don't know about her husband and I don't care!
*sigh* My first issue with the woman the last time i came home (that was my first time of seeing her...i'm a student and i go to school) was her grammatical blunders (i'm getting teary already). Gosh! she can 'tabon' (shoot gun). She doesn't make big mistakes o, silly small ones lke 'why are you go there?', 'Rita, why is your brother cried?' and many more. Yes, i have been  with and heard many people murder English in my life but none has been this close to me! I have been at home for the past 1 week and yours truly has not gotten used to it! The most painful thing is that she beats her 4-year old daughter for making grammatical errors and that brings a question to my mind- what kind of person notices her child's errors and never her's?. Another one is- How is that even possible?. I have asked every member of my family this question and my Mum has told me downright its a stupid question while my two younger sisters, aged 16 and 9, give me the what-stupid-question-are-you-asking-me look!
Another thing is THIS WOMAN SHOUTS!!! I don't know how i can describe her shouting, NO! wait, i got an idea, she SCREAMS!!!! No, scratch that she SCROUTS (screams + shouts). I hope you get it but incase you don't, let me give you one or two illustrations- anytime she is making a  call, i always think the person she's 'scrouting' at is in the next street and the most annoying thing is the person at the other end never seems to hear her because she repeatedly says hello, hello. My sisters and I have concluded she either has an hearing problem or she's deaf in one ear (and that's only because she hears!). We came to this conclusion because we think 'for you to speak to people, you have to hear yourself (literally)' and we buttressed this with the case of the way we shout when we have ear-piece in our ears because we can only hear ourselves when we shout! Well, we asked my mum since she's a nurse and she told us to f**k off (ok! not the 'f' word, she used 'get'). Another illustration is when she laughs, i'll leave the rest to your imagination.
The last reason i find her annoying is the fact that she can't do anything apart from take care of the house, take care of her children and cook. Lemme explain- it's like she is an industrial machine that can't do any other thing than what is/are indicated in its manual. I'm gonna back this up with examples. She can't put on her generator! Its the smallest generator o (the type that you can use for pendant). She will seat in darkness for many days and will not even attempt to put on her generator! My younger sister taught her the 'trick' to putting on a generator twice and that's because she forgot the first time (after she has put it on herself for a week o)! The newest example is the DSTV she just bought *sigh*. Since the installation of this technology in her house, the poor thing has been on CNN. Well, this shouldn't be a problem except my sister told me she over-heard her telling her husband on phone she doesn't understand what they are saying on CNN and can't change it! I was like'what the hell? Didm't it come with a freaking remote control?'. Well, stating the obvious, the breaking news is she cannot operate the remote! Can u imagine? Even if you didn't go to school, press anything, try! I'm sure the remote is still where the technician that fixed the DSTV for her left it! Why on earth did she evn bother buying it?
I say hi to her but try all my best to avoid her. My only consolation is that i will soon go back to school and i will be free from all her drama!

1 comment:

  1. Nice!!! You Killeded it! I gasto goan get me a blog too...